“You should do something positive, gentlemen! Something positive!”

Moscow has been gripped by scandal this past week, and we’ve been itching to tell you all about it, but just as soon as we thought it had died down, it flared up again…

On October 24, celebrated actor and director Konstantin Raikin, 66, gave a speech at the 7th Congress of the Union of Theatre Professionals. Much to the surprise of many, Raikin used his speech to slam government censorship – and the disunity within his profession. “Some people are clearly itching to make changes and turn the clock back,” he railed. “And not just go back to the period of stagnation [the late Brezhnev period], but further back in time, to the Stalinist period. Our immediate superiors use Stalinist lexicon – Stalinist phrases – you can’t believe your ears! Representatives of the government, my immediate superiors, Mr Aristarkhov [first deputy minister for culture] speaks that way. And we just sit there and listen.”

Recent incidents, wherein groups of variously “offended” citizens, acting with the absolute connivance of the authorities, have sought to force the closure of such-and-such exhibition or production, were described by Raikin as an “ugly assault” on the freedom of expression.

Bemoaning the regime’s “strangely neutral” attitude to the actions of these self-appointed censors, Raikin urged his colleagues to “speak out clearly” about this issue as well: “Generally, civil organisations shouldn’t be fighting for morality in the arts,” he insisted. “Art has sufficient filters already: directors, artistic directors, critics, artists’ very souls – they see to that themselves. They are the bearers of morality. Let’s not pretend that the authorities are morality’s sole arbiters. That isn’t the case.”

Raikin concluded his speech by saying that current developments were “very trying, very dangerous and very scary,” and once again appealed for unity among his colleagues.

But unity wasn’t forthcoming. Some theatre professionals, of course, did come out in support of Raikin. “I’m completely on his side,” said Mark Zakharov, artistic director of Moscow’s Lenkom Theatre. Yet many other figures elected to speak with far greater circumspection. Oleg Tabakov, artistic director of the Moscow Art Theatre, sought to explain to Raikin that he was, so to speak, misdirecting his energies: “I go about my business! I work! I never had Kostya [Raikin] down as a loafer, but, if we’re going to talk about this seriously, let me point you in the direction of Chekhov and his character Professor Serebryakov, who says: ‘You should do something positive, gentlemen! Something positive!’”

And that’s when the scandal left the stage and hit the streets.

“The devil always tries to seduce you with freedom!” proclaimed Alexander “The Surgeon” Zaldostanov, leader of the pro-Kremlin Night Wolves biker gang and a good buddy of Vladimir Putin’s. “And under the guise of freedom,” he added, “these Raikins want to turn the country into a sewer overflowing with filth.”

Raikin himself has already been the target of this moral crusade; in February this year, his staging of the play All Shades of Blue (about Russia’s intolerance of the LGBT community), was disrupted by activists. Zaldostanov specifically mentioned this work when he took aim at Peskov: “We don’t need faggots here — nobody can come and cut down our crosses.”

Really, Zaldostanov has such a way with words, he should write for the stage.

Not to be outdone, because you understand that these things are very important in Moscow, Dmitry Peskov, the president’s press secretary, came out with a yet more categorical pronouncement: “We have to differentiate between plays financed by the state or funded from other sources. If the state provides the funding, it is entitled to specify the subject matter. The state commissions such and such subject matter. This isn’t censorship.”

This broadside prompted renowned film director Andrei Zvyagintsev to wade in. He reminded the presidential press secretary that it was high time state officials stopped using public money as if it were their own: “As long as you fulfil the will of the people while drawing your salaries from public funds, and as long as you, just like us, remain citizens of the country, you must facilitate rather than hinder the endeavours of independent artists.”

As for Peskov’s point about “state commissions,” Zvyagintsev was positively scathing: “Spurring on the activities of these rapidly proliferating non-governmental organisations, these immoral guardians of morality – that’s what these ‘state commissions’ are really about, even if the offended parties are being driven by their own convictions. Because today’s government has ‘commissioned’ the country to be mediocre, homogenous, isolationist, and obedient as a flock of sheep.”

Brave words.

Peskov wasn’t going to let that one pass. “If the government believes that smoking is harmful for people’s health,” he riposted to Zvyagintsev, “it has the right to say that no one should smoke in a movie it is funding.” But Zvyagintsev, of course, wasn’t talking about particulars; he was arguing that censorship has become a fully-fledged part of the cultural life of the country, and that films (and other cultural products) made without governmental involvement were becoming fewer in Russia.

Peskov, meanwhile, then proceeded to take a side swipe at Alexander Zaldostanov: “We have unlimited admiration for Raikin’s huge talent,” he said. “I think the biker who insulted him was simply under the spell of a demon, and I hope he apologises.”

There is something strange about Peskov’s chiding of “The Surgeon.” Remember that Zaldostanov’s involvement in the persecution of Boris Nemtsov on the eve of the oppositionist’s murder drew no rebuke from the Kremlin. Perhaps Peskov doesn’t like the idea that his slick PR machine is being overtaken by a Harley Davidson.

And then it all stopped. The “Raikin biker scandal,” we will call it, just ran out of gas.

“The Surgeon” has announced that he will no longer discuss in public his conflict with Konstantin Raikin, nor his related dispute with Dmitry Peskov.

“I’ve already said everything,” he insisted. “I don’t want to discuss this issue any further. I’ve nothing to add – case closed, amen. Let’s see if these cultural figures have really heard us. I’m asking everyone to stop fanning the flames of this conflict.”

Amen to that.